Monday, January 30, 2012
I am Moving
Thanks everyone for visiting my site truegroover.blogspot.com,(I drank What?) I am currently moving this site to a new one called Whiskeybitches.com so come on over and enjoy my new site with more stoopid drunkin stuff..Thanks
Wednesday, August 10, 2011
Saturday, March 20, 2010
The North and South
The North and South
The North has Bloomingdale's, the South has Dollar General.
The North has coffee houses, the South has Waffle Houses.
The North has dating services, the South has family reunions.
The North has switchblade knives; the South has Lee Press-on Nails.
The North has double last names; the South has double first names.
The North has Indy car races; The South has stock car races.
North has Cream of Wheat, the South has grits.
The North has green salads, the South has collard greens.
The North has lobsters, the South has craw fish.
The North has the rust belt; the South has the Bible Belt.
FOR NORTHERNERS MOVING SOUTH . . .
In the South: --If you run your car into a ditch, don't panic. Four men in a four-wheel drive pickup truck with a tow chain will be along shortly. Don't try to help them, just stay out of their way. This is what they live for.
Don't be surprised to find movie rentals and bait in the same store.... do not buy food at this store.
Remember, "Y'all" is singular, "all y'all" is plural, and "all y'all's" is plural possessive
Get used to hearing "You ain't from round here, are ya?"
Save all manner of bacon grease. You will be instructed later on how to use it.
Don't be worried at not understanding what people are saying. They can't understand you either. The first Southern statement to creep into a transplanted Northerner's vocabulary is the adjective "big'ol," truck or "big'ol" boy. Most Northerners begin their Southern-influenced dialect this way. All of them are in denial about it.
The proper pronunciation you learned in school is no longer proper.!
Be advised that "He needed killin." is a valid defense here.
If you hear a Southerner exclaim, "Hey, y'all watch this," you should stay out of the way. These are likely to be the last words he'll ever say.
If there is the prediction of the slightest chance of even the smallest accumulation of snow, your presence is required at the local grocery store. It doesn't matter whether you need anything or not. You just have to go there.
Do not be surprised to find that 10-year olds own their own shotguns, they are proficient marksmen, and their mammas taught them how to aim.
In the South, we have found that the best way to grow a lush green lawn is to pour gravel on it and call it a driveway.
AND REMEMBER: If you do settle in the South and bear children, don't think we will accept them as Southerners. After all, if the cat had kittens in the oven, we wouldn't call 'em biscuits.
Why Condoms Come In Boxes Of 3, 6, And 12
A man walks into a drug store with his 8-year old son.
They happen to walk by the condom display, and the
Boy asks, 'What are these, Dad?'
To which the man matter-of-factly replies, 'Those are called condoms, son.
Men use them to have safe sex.''
Oh I see,' replied the boy.' Yes, I've heard of that in health class at school.'
He looks over the display and picks up a Package of 3 and asks, 'Why are there 3 in this package?'
The dad replies,
'Those are for high schoolboys, one for Friday, one for Saturday, and one For Sunday.
'Cool' says the boy. He notices a 6 pack and asks,
'Then who are these for?'
Those are for college men,' the dad answers,
'TWO for Friday, TWO for Saturday and TWO for Sunday.'
'WOW!' exclaimed the boy, 'then who uses THESE?' he asks, picking up a 12 Pack.
With a sigh and a tear in his eye, the dad replied,
'Those are for Married men. One for January, one for February, one for March........'
They happen to walk by the condom display, and the
Boy asks, 'What are these, Dad?'
To which the man matter-of-factly replies, 'Those are called condoms, son.
Men use them to have safe sex.''
Oh I see,' replied the boy.' Yes, I've heard of that in health class at school.'
He looks over the display and picks up a Package of 3 and asks, 'Why are there 3 in this package?'
The dad replies,
'Those are for high schoolboys, one for Friday, one for Saturday, and one For Sunday.
'Cool' says the boy. He notices a 6 pack and asks,
'Then who are these for?'
Those are for college men,' the dad answers,
'TWO for Friday, TWO for Saturday and TWO for Sunday.'
'WOW!' exclaimed the boy, 'then who uses THESE?' he asks, picking up a 12 Pack.
With a sigh and a tear in his eye, the dad replied,
'Those are for Married men. One for January, one for February, one for March........'
Friday, March 19, 2010
Thursday, January 28, 2010
Wednesday, January 27, 2010
WHY DID THE CHICKEN CROSS THE ROAD???
WHY DID THE CHICKEN CROSS THE ROAD???
Plato: For the greater good.
Aristotle: To fulfill its nature on the other side.
Karl Marx: It was a historical inevitability.
Machiavelli: So that its subjects will view it with admiration, as a
chicken which has the daring and courage to boldly cross the road,
but also with fear, for whom among them has the strength to contend
with such a paragon of avian virtue? In such a manner is the princely
chicken's dominion maintained.
Hippocrates: Because of an excess of light pink gooey stuff in its
pancreas. More>>>
Plato: For the greater good.
Aristotle: To fulfill its nature on the other side.
Karl Marx: It was a historical inevitability.
Machiavelli: So that its subjects will view it with admiration, as a
chicken which has the daring and courage to boldly cross the road,
but also with fear, for whom among them has the strength to contend
with such a paragon of avian virtue? In such a manner is the princely
chicken's dominion maintained.
Hippocrates: Because of an excess of light pink gooey stuff in its
pancreas. More>>>
Sunday, January 24, 2010
Just one of those nights
When you spend $90 on Long Island Ice Tea's you might find yourself doing this....
"THE BEST Put Down LINE EVER"
"THE BEST Put Down LINE EVER"
For those that don't know him, Major General Peter Cosgrove is an 'Australian treasure!'
General Cosgrove was interviewed on the radio recently. You'll love his reply to the lady who interviewed him concerning guns and children.
Regardless of how you feel about gun laws you gotta love this! This is one of the best comeback lines of all time.
It is a portion of an ABC interview between a female broadcaster and General Cosgrove who was about to sponsor a Boy Scout Troop visiting his military headquarters.
FEMALE INTERVIEWER:So, General Cosgrove, what things are you going to teach these young boys when they visit your base?
GENERAL COSGROVE:
We're going to teach them climbing, canoeing, archery and shooting.
FEMALE INTERVIEWER:
Shooting! That's a bit irresponsible, isn't it?
GENERAL COSGROVE:
I don't see why, they'll be properly supervised on the rifle range.
FEMALE INTERVIEWER:
Don't you admit that this is a terribly dangerous activity to be teaching children?
GENERAL COSGROVE:
I don't see how. We will be teaching them proper rifle discipline before they even touch a firearm.
FEMALE INTERVIEWER:
But you're equipping them to become violent killers.
GENERAL COSGROVE:
Well, Ma'am, you're equipped to be a prostitute, but you're not one, are you?
The radio went silent and the interview ended."
For those that don't know him, Major General Peter Cosgrove is an 'Australian treasure!'
General Cosgrove was interviewed on the radio recently. You'll love his reply to the lady who interviewed him concerning guns and children.
Regardless of how you feel about gun laws you gotta love this! This is one of the best comeback lines of all time.
It is a portion of an ABC interview between a female broadcaster and General Cosgrove who was about to sponsor a Boy Scout Troop visiting his military headquarters.
FEMALE INTERVIEWER:So, General Cosgrove, what things are you going to teach these young boys when they visit your base?
GENERAL COSGROVE:
We're going to teach them climbing, canoeing, archery and shooting.
FEMALE INTERVIEWER:
Shooting! That's a bit irresponsible, isn't it?
GENERAL COSGROVE:
I don't see why, they'll be properly supervised on the rifle range.
FEMALE INTERVIEWER:
Don't you admit that this is a terribly dangerous activity to be teaching children?
GENERAL COSGROVE:
I don't see how. We will be teaching them proper rifle discipline before they even touch a firearm.
FEMALE INTERVIEWER:
But you're equipping them to become violent killers.
GENERAL COSGROVE:
Well, Ma'am, you're equipped to be a prostitute, but you're not one, are you?
The radio went silent and the interview ended."
Sunday, January 10, 2010
Wednesday, December 16, 2009
Tuesday, March 17, 2009
Monday, January 19, 2009
Sunday, December 28, 2008
Thursday, January 17, 2008
PTSB2K
Well I finally pulled myself away from the most addicting game I have ever played on the computer. I do have to warn you though, that clicking on the link below you are entering a site that will; eat away at your free time, drag your office productivity down, make you forget to shower, make you swerve into oncoming traffic if played in the car, and generally give up on society as a whole. Good luck, Have fun, and seek help if need be.
Wednesday, January 16, 2008
So Freakin' Funny
This was so funny that I had to change my drawers.
I think I watched this a thousand times, I just can't
get enough. For some weird reason I find the nerdy girl
kinda hot, I don't know.
Sunday, January 13, 2008
Learn Chinese in 5 minutes
Learn Chinese in 5 minutes (You MUST read them aloud)
| English | Chinese |
| That's not right | Sum Ting Wong |
| Are you harboring a fugitive? | Hu Yu Hai Ding |
| See me ASAP | Kum Hia Nao |
| Stupid Man | Dum Fuk |
| Small Horse | Tai Ni Po Ni |
| Did you go to the beach? | Wai Yu So Tan |
| I bumped into a coffee table | Ai Bang Mai Fu Kin Ni |
| I think you need a face lift | Chin Tu Fat |
| It's very dark in here | Wai So Dim |
| This is a tow away zone | No Pah King |
| Our meeting is scheduled for next week | Wai Yu Kum Nao |
| Staying out of sight | Lei Ying Lo |
| He's cleaning his automobile | Wa Shing Ka |
| Your body odor is offensive | Yu Stin Ki Pu |
| Great | Fa Kin Su Pa |
Sunday, September 23, 2007
Special Funny Female Medicines
Special Funny Female Medicines
Author: akhilesh
This article presents very funny female medicines.These funny female medicines are as follows:
Dami Toll
Take 2 and the rest of the world can go to hell for up to 6 hours.
St. Mom’s Kort
It is a Plant extract that treats mom’s depression by making pre Schoolers unconscious for up to 2 hours.
Empty Gestrogen
Highly effective suppository that eliminates melancholy by enhancing the memory of how awful they were as teenagers and how you couldn’t wait till they moved out.
Pepto Simbo
Liquid silicone for single women. It increases breast size, decreases intelligence, and improves flirting.
Dumerol
When taken with Pepto Simbo, it can cause low IQ causing enjoyment of music.
Flipitork
Increases life expectancy of commuters by controlling road rage and flipping off other drivers.
Anti Boytiks
It is highly effective in improving grades, freeing up phone lines, and reducing money spent on make-up.
Meni-Cillin
It is Potent antiboyotic for older women. Increases resistance to such lines as, “You make me want to be a better person… can we get naked now?”
Vuyagra
It is a Injectable stimulant. It is generally taken before shopping. It Increases duration of spending spree and potency.
BuyOne all
When combined with Vuyagra, can cause an indiscriminate buying frenzy so severe the victim may even come home with a Donny Osmond CD or an Anna Nicole Smith exercise video.
Jack Aspirin
It Relieves headache caused by a man who can’t remember your birthday, anniversary or phone number or something important.
Article from :
Optical Illusions
Article Source: http://www.articlesbase.com/humor-articles/special-funny-female-medicines-208834.html
About the Author:
Akhilesh kumar
admin of FunnyJunk
Thursday, September 20, 2007
Sugar Frosted Goodness!: Dont play with your food!
Josh Hoye
I found this great site called Sugar Frosted Goodness! that I wanted to share with
all of you. Browse around this site and check out some
great art, like this one by artist Josh Hoye.
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